I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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