You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
