i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
