the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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