Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
