Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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