"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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