all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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