Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i permit you to call me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
