she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
