we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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