She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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