so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
