Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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