I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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