she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
