like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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