I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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