how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
