You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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