we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
