me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
