New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
