you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
