come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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