Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
