I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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