i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You need a sexual gate keeper
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
