So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
