DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
