i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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