I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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