i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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