Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
