This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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