Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
