and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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