its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
