What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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