I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
