White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
