Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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