My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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