neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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