I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
