And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
