So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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