Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
