Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i have two assholes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
