In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
