He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize