Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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