I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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