I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
