he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
