a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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