2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
