you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
