Don't you send me to vm
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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