So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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