No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
