And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
