She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
