where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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