Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cut my penus on the lid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
