she woke up with a sticky ear
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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