I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
