My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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